Kill me plss

I though you will understand, But you don't...I keep on telling myself, I just have to show a smile to pretend that everything is okay...But i don't know how much longer that i can pretend? I've told myself dozen of times, no matter how sad is it,I'm not allowed to cry... But... the tears, is falling without my permission... You stabbed my heart few times, but im still alive with new and hot loves around me !
I'm so useless, I couldn't found any language, any word, to express my feeling ~ I'm a mess and suffering depression...I noticed... Our love is full of lies, i wonder why you could just simply tell a lie without doubting about it?? You are a killer !!! Killing me with your lies... You told me that im your only one and you love me so much as well, i'm happy but in the other hand i scared too... Scared that was only a lie, just to comfort me... I lost my direction to find back my happiness and my smile like usual... I just wanna cry out loudly, but there's no shoulder around me...
I thought i still can stand for everything around me, but the truth is I'm not that tough as what i aspect... In the end, i stabbed myself real hard ~


~ End with loves around me ~